One of the secrets to keep your child healthy is to give him/her good amounts of joy and happiness.
According with the metaphysics of the illness, all the unbalanced state of health, comes from the emotional realm. If the emotions are out of balance, the immunitarum system comes down and the body will have more chances to get ill.
Sadness, anger, anguish, frustration, fear, unforgiveness, all of this emotions (and others), stay in a specific part of the body until one day, comes to the surface and the physical (or mental) illness takes place, to tell us something is Not right.
It’s very important to be aware if our child’s are having a good balance of activities, love, playtime, quality time with the parents, fresh air, time in the nature and healthy food.
According with Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, we all express our love in one (of the 5) Languages of Love, and its from that same language of love that we prefer to receive and perceive the love from others.
The children until a certain age (around 10), did not define yet their language of love, and so, they need to receive all, in order to be in a balance state of happiness.
The five languages of love are:
- Physical Contact;
- Words of Appreciation;
- Quality Time;
- Acts of Serving;
Let’s go one by one:
- Physical Contact
In the sessions of psychotherapy and spiritual counseling, I had clients with a big pain in their heart because while being babies and child’s, didn’t receive any physical contact, hugs, cuddles from the mother, or father. Specially the mother, who is the first bond of the baby with this Planet and this reality, is the most important person to give this kind of Language of Love, the physical contact.
I saw people with an amazing inner straight and positive energy, crying like a baby while during the session, as we are going back to their childhood and they remember this reality, the lack of physical contact from their parents. They cry because is still there the wound to heal.
For all the children and specially for the babies it is of absolute importance to hug, kiss and cuddle them, so they feel this Love from their Mother and Father.
For the babies and specially the new born babies, one of the best gifts you can give them is to have them sleeping by your side, feeling the warm of your body and your gentle touch. Any time they wake up you are there and this is of an extreme importance in order to build up their self confidence and trust that All Is Well.
My both daughters, which are 3 years and 7 months the oldest and 1 year and 10 months the younger, sometimes give me strong tight hugs, specially if they miss me or if they are happy with something I did for them. My youngest daughter, gives many sweet kisses to show her love for me, the father, a cat, a dog, a toy…
As you teach them, they learn, and so if you teach them to express their love in a physical way, they will grow knowing how to express their love physically without fear or coldness. As they learn, one day, when they become parents, they will teach that to the future generation, because is all they know: The language of Love. And so, with a simple habit of hugging, kissing and cuddling, we contribute to build up new fresh loving future generations.
The western generations between the 30’s and 70’s comes from parents that most of them, did not knew how to express their love physically nor even how to play with their babies. They lived the 1st and 2nd world war, with lack of abundance in their lives and with ruff and sometimes even violent parents, and living with at least 5 to 9 brothers. Their reality was in all aspects different from our now, and so, they pass to us, the best they new and they could.
We, the generation that born from the 60’s and 70’s, are the ones who have all the tools, knowledge and facility to change this reality and create a new Loving Generation, with no fear from expressing their love physically or playing with their babies.
This physical contact is highly important, as it help to build up their emotional intelligence.
So, go and hug your child in as many opportunities as you can. You know, one day, they will grow, and be adults, and that cute little baby (or child) will not be there any more. You only opportunity to do it is… NOW!
- Words of Appreciation
Words of appreciation are very important to express your child how much you love him (her), and how much he is special, intelligent, courageous, beautiful, and so on.
It makes a lot of difference if you spend the most of your time with your child putting him (her) down, or raising him (her) up, praising him in the things he make good.
Whenever my daughters learn to do or to say something new, we praise them, happily for their achievement. They feel confident and proud of themselves. As a mother, I also say countless times a day how much I Love them and how much they are important for me, (which is obviously true).
They feel this love and they grow up knowing how much they are loved and how much important and special they are in the world.
Resist to the temptation of putting down your child, rather if it’s because you are in the end of a tiring day, or whatever reason. They are not responsible for our bad moods or tiredness. Every time you are putting them down, you are literally, castrating them. This attitude will have a strong negative impact on their life’s while they go to the adult age, to not mention in the teenager age. To escape from pain, they will search and experiment drugs and alcohol.
This was another thing I’ve notest during the psychotherapy sessions, how much the way how the parents of my clients treat them, had such a negative influence on their teenager and adults life. Still today, after 30, 40 and even more years, after their childhood, they are struggling with negative behaviors and negative patterns of beliefs that their parents put on them due to their behavior of bringing them down during their childhood, rather if it was by beating, screaming, punishing or noticing their defects, or whatever negative behavior they may had.
One thing is to call the attention to something, and explain why they should not do that, and if they try again, raise a little bit the voice and be firm. Another thing, is screaming with them all the time for small things, and normal behaviors of a child. Also, when my daughters do some mistake or break something, but not on purpose, I don’t make a big deal of that. I say its ok, it was with no intention, and its no problem. They are children’s!!! Lets remember, what they are: Child’s, learning and discovering new things, every day.
When my oldest daughter makes something knotty to her sister, I observe first if it was because of jealousy, and what was the context of the situation. If she is in a moment of jealousy, because she wants me, I will not scream with her, I will ask her please to don’t do that again, because can seriously hurt her sister, and I will take her, hug and kiss her. After her heart is fill again, she regret what she did, and she kiss her sister and say “Sorry”, and then do something good for her.
On the other hand, If I have a angry attitude, she will revolt against me and her sister and she will do again, and eventually they will end up crying.
In 3 years and 10 months experience with two babies, I can say, they react and behave much better when I speak softly and kindly with them, and explain why not to do something, than when I scream with them. Screaming and beating does really not work well, even though in some rare situations I raise my voice in a firm way or I give a little tap on their hands. We avoid at maxim to beat them, to don’t give that example to them, and to don’t teach them that beating is the way. Beating is Not the way!
The next time your child do something good, praise him.
The next time your child do something not good, breath deeply, observe the circumstances of the situation, and be aware of not just throwing on them your tiredness and frustration of the working day. That is so easy to do, and makes a big damage in their little hearts. When you go out of your work, and before being with your child, give yourself at least 30 min to dis-compress and do something you like. Fulfill yourself first with good energy, and then go to meet the big love of your life, that is your child.
- Quality Time
One of the things our babies and children most appreciate, is that we spend time with them, playing, teaching them, going to the beach (or any other place in nature), make walks, scooter rides and so on.
Both the father and mother are important in the raising of a child, to help in their emotional balance, but during their first years of life, the roll of the mother in the Physical Contact and the Words of Appreciation is of most value.
In the Quality Time, that includes the playtime, the father is of most importance here, as the men’s have this special talent to invent games and toys for the kids. They are eternal teenagers in a body of a men, and they really have this amazing “know how” when it comes to the play time with kids.
The presence of the mother is also very important and they really crave for our time playing with them, so every day try to spend some time just giving them full attention, only playing, going out, teaching, or whatever you feel to do with them. The key here is that That Time is Sacred and you are completely mindful in giving them the full attention.
As a mother, I notest that can be really hard go to work, because they really don’t want to let go of me. I love my babies, but I also love what I do for a living, and so, I organized my life in a way that I can find the balance between this two things, family and work, which I share here with you:
a) Waking Up time: I found that is really important for them to have my care, as they Wake Up. As me and my partner work here, we both are present when they wake up. If not both, one is always present here. Our daily routine is: they wake up, we cuddle them, I hug them, kiss them, give them milk, then they go to the garden to make poo, I wash them, wash their faces, their teethes, dress them, and then they are ready to play in the garden. Often, they go by themselves to play. They fell that is all well and in the proper order in their world, there is a routine, that is highly important for them. and so they feel secure to let me, and go to play. My oldest daughter give her hand to her little sister, and they go to play. This is one of the most beautiful and sweet images I keep in my memory. Normally, around 9h I give them the breakfast, if not me, Jayan or the babysitter.
b) Make them Understand why you go to work: when I go to work, in case they are with me in the house, I hug and kiss them, and Explain that mommy is going to work, but around 4h pm is back and we will play or go out together. At the beginning, with my first daughter this time was hard, but with the time, I learned to manage it better and now, they are not crying anymore and they kiss me back and accept the fact that I am going to work to earn our life, to by food, clothes, toys and have a nice vacations, (I explain that mommy and daddy work, mainly for this, so they understand and accept better why we are not with them). The other reason why now they are letting me go to work without crying, is because they know, that when I came back, around 4h pm, I will go to the beach with them, or, for a walk, or if it’s monsoon, we will have some play and teaching at home. So, because they know I keep my promises in making something nice with them, they feel secure that I will be coming back and spend time with them.
c) Organize your Agenda: I organize my Agenda and working time between 9h am, (sometimes 10h) and 4h, spending 6 to 7 hours per day without them, from Monday to Friday. The Fridays I try to give my self a day off to do only what I feel to do. Can be reading, writing, learning, receiving a treat, such a massage, for example, resting, going to the beach or, in off season, to the swimming pool, spend time with a friend…Basically, one day in a week to fulfill my batteries! And the weekends are fully for my family, the house, the babies, and the couple. As the babies know weekends I am with them, they accept better that during the week I am going to work. Besides that, normally, at weekends we always do something together, such going out, go to the beach…
d) Organize Your Life: Organization is the Key Word. I had to really learn this and put in practice in my life, specially after the birth of my babies. Gradually, I became more organized in all aspects than I ever was! My partner gave me a hand with this and Life itself, teach me this too, after having two babies with difference of age of 21 months. If I wanted my family and work life to work out well, I had to learn to become organized!
e) Have a Babysitter in your house: Having a babysitter working with us, was one of the Best Decisions Ever!!! It really worth’s! This blessed lady, she work 8 hours and she look after the babies, she cook, clean the house and garden, and I can complete focus in my work and in spending time with them, without the pressure of having to cook or clean or whatever house work. I do some organizing and cleaning on the house, but the main things I delegate for her to do. This gives me so much free time and free mind to play and look after them after the work and at weekends. Its really a blessing. They have each other, so they play together, they don’t catch diseases from other children, and they can play with the father or our cookers who are always ready to play and cuddle them during the time I am busy. In Europe, USA, and other countries, instead you a ridiculous expensive amount to have one baby in the kinder-garden, and then, to pay for a person to clean your house, then, go to eat in restaurants or buying some junk/plastic food to eat because you are too tired too cook, consider instead the possibility of having a loving trustable lady in your house doing all of this! Specially if you have 2 babies! Most probably, you will be surprised in how you save money and how your life became much more easy flowing…Try it!
f) Couple supportive to each other: In some days, if one of us is not so present with them because of tiredness or whatever reason, the other one will be there for the babies. As a couple, is very important to find the harmony, love and understanding between each other, so you can be able to give a harmonious happy child to your babies and children. Like this, they have always the mother or the father, or, ideally both, spending time with them. They will really feel that All is Well in Their World, and they grow up with this security and warm in their little hearts.
In resume, all of this topics can help you to better find The Quality Time every day, to spend time and play with them.
- Acts of Serving
Acts of serving are also very important. My oldest daughter stays truly grateful when I do something for her. Can be making a meal, stitching some clothes, anything. The point is, that you are aware of What They’ve Been Asking and put your hands to work!
My partner is skilled in doing things with his hands and he is highly creative. He does toys and very recently he did a park for them to play in the garden and it make them more than super happy!
They will feel you really love them because you Are Doing Things for Them.
The last of the 5 Languages of Love are the Gifts. I put this one in last, because all the other ones have to be present first.
Expensive gifts and toys to a child with heart empty of love have no meaning or point at all!
We need to fulfill their hearts with All the other 4 languages first and then, the gifts make sense to come.
You can make a gift, or buy it. You can even buy a big bag with different small gifts, they don’t need to be expensive, children don’t care that kind of things, the important is that the act of Offering a Gift, a Surprise, is there. Come up from work with a little surprise and they will thrill!
My oldest daughter, when I came from work ask me: “Do you have something for Divya?…”
Our babies they give us all the signs, if we just take the time to read in the between lines.
They are our masters and our gurus.
They Are the Ones who come to Teach Us how to be a Parent.
– Sonia Indigo
Be aware to the signs of your baby and you will have it granted!
And remember, to give all the 5 Languages of Love in similar quantities, if you have a child with less than 10 years old.
Coming to the beginning, all this started because of the subject happiness versus illness in the children.
It is scientifically proved that all the illness comes from an unbalanced emotional state. In the sessions of psychotherapy, I have seen real cases of it, by analyzing their illness with what was going on in their life’s at the moment. If we can just understand the reason Why the illness appear and analyze our own life’s, we will have the answer and the Pathway For Healing.
Similar in the babies and children.
In my own experience, in the times when I am not spending much time with my oldest daughter or not the attention she needs, she develops this itchy with very small pimples in her backs and she is always asking me to scratch her on the lower back. The same happen when she have enough of being here (many months without going on vacations, even if small ones), and want to spend some vacations out of here. During the high season we are busier with people and she miss our full attention with her, as well as going out of here.
Just before we went on vacations this year, she was with this severe itching. We did not gave any medicine and we left for vacations in Thailand. The itchy, disappeared miraculously.
This is obviously a sign to not be ignored!
So, I suggest for you to be attentive to the signs of your child, and if he (or she) gets often sick, to honestly analyze your own life, your couple and familiar life, and the ambiance your child have at home, and how much of the 5 languages of love are you or your partner, or both, Not Giving to him (her).
Then, you will have the answer for your child’s sickness. If you can change the circumstances, most probably, she will heal.
Love is the answer, Always.
Image Credits: Natalia Anja
Check out this video
WE LIVE OF LOVE – A research by Silvano Agosti
How a 9 years child think:
Check the recommended reading for Self Healing and Parenting.