Photo with me and my oldest daughter taken in 2013.
I would like to share here some thoughts that were bubbling in my head as I wake up at 4h am this morning, about a situation that happened yesterday.
Yesterday, in numerology was a day 11, a Master number day, often a “different” day from the other ones, lets say…a “special” day. Special day, does not mean is good or bad, but is definitely different, and it cames to “teach” us something, in some way.
Personally, for me, it was a very tricky day, from morning to evening.
I had from this master number day, at least 3 lessons:
- Make clear for me and other people the Boundaries of my personal life/space/time, that should never be crossed;
- Regarding to point number one, learn more about Assertiveness and how to say what I have to say to people without hurting them, but still, making clear my position;
- Never exchange the precious time we have with our loved ones, with a cold device that is called “Mobile”, and all the “very interesting social web stuff” it has on it. (I know you know what I talking about).
Today I will only write about one lesson, the 3rd one:
Never exchange the precious time we have with our loved ones, with a cold device that is called “Mobile”, and all the “very interesting social web stuff” it has on it.
Or, at least, make the best you can, and be more aware of it.
I’ve been becoming more aware of all the times the babies want to play with me and I find some “escape” of it on the mobile, FB and other social web networks.
Some times can be because of tiredness, others because of addiction to the mobiles facility to connect with social networks, but there is obviously a clear pattern of resistance in playing with my babies. In some point of my subconscious memories, there is no example of my own parents playing with me. This topic I will discuss In another post, as this is not the message of today.
The fact is that, in some moments the babies require my attention and want to play with me, or some other need, I am hypnotized with the “infinite world of possibilities” that is on the mobile’s web.
- They feel frustrated and sad as they see the mobile is more important than them in my life;
- I am giving a very wrong example by doing this, because as soon as they grow up, they will do the same, as they may think this is the right thing to do;
- I am loosing a precious opportunity of spending Real Time, give Real attention and be Mindful with them, while they are babies and small child’s, as this time will Never, Ever come back;
In some of this “tricky” Master number days, the danger is around the corner, as our mind is not in peace, for whatever circumstance that happened. We are more vulnerable to attract challenging situations when we are not in peace inside and this is one of the bases of the Law of Attraction.
So this was what happened:
After a struggling morning, when I did not made clear my boundaries with someone that “pop up” in our house, morning time, during the time that I was supposed to be with the babies, with his own problems, and due to that, I felt “drained out”.
After that I went to the beach with the babies, at Divya’s and Jayan’s request, even though I was Not in the mood, I went. (we should ALWAYS LISTEN TO OUT INNER VOICE). It was obviously the wrong decision, as I went alone with Divya, Nithya and Kittu (our dog), and all the territorial beach dogs barking, to Kittu, I had no peace. Other few little things happened with the babies, that take me out of my center, such us, wetting their hats (the sun was already high), running away from me when I want to dress them, and so on.
On the way back, we went through Marine Palace, to catch some red small balls from a tree, and the big dog (big as a horse), of Marine Palace was not happy to see our dog there, and I was holding Nithya and calming down this big dog (he is actually very shanti), and Divya was going up alone on the road (inside the resort), and suddenly, up in the curve, the owner, Babu, our friend, was coming down with his car, quite fast. I hear a noisy break of the car and when I look up, for one inch, Divya was not strongly hit by his car. My heart stopped, my hole body frozen until the bones. Divya got a big scare and came running and crying to me. When I went to see him, he told me he didn’t saw Divya, but he felt to break, for some reason. It was obviously an Angel there, that saved Divya, and I am profoundly grateful to Him.
In a question of fraction of seconds, it came to my mind that in less that nothing I could stay without my older daughter and my world would fall apart. In that few seconds, I also realized that each moment with our loved ones is precious, as we never know what life can bring us next. In this thoughts, it came very clear that while being with the babies, the mobile has to stop. I am not All the time with the mobile, the thing is that, just if I go quickly to see what is going on there, on FB, to give an example, it takes my focus out of whatever I am doing with the babies, and they feel and see this, and they are not happy with that, specially Divya, that has been giving me several signs of it.
Since the last few months I became more and more aware of it, and gradually, I use less and less the mobile while being with them, yesterday, was the last “drop of water” I needed, to effectively DO something about it.
The reason why I share this insights with you, is that, I know, I am not the only mother doing this mistake. Unfortunately, I am sure there are thousands of parents doing this with their babies and kids:
Being physically present with a total mental and emotional Absence.
This makes damage in their little hearts.
In the psychotherapy sessions, some clients share with me their sadness that their mother or father, and sometimes both, were emotionally absent. In severe cases, they did not received at all physical or verbal love from their parents.
As parents and partners, we have to come to The Present Moment, observe our “movie” from a higher level, think about the future consequences of things we are doing wrong, and DO Something about it. Means, making an effective change.
The social network (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pintarest, and others), specially the FB, is an addiction, so addictive as any other, as tobacco, alcohol, drugs , sugars, eating disorders, and so on. It’s the New Addiction of the last 10 years.
All this is about not only to became aware that we are exchanging precious moments with our loved ones, (rather if it’s our child’s, partner, parents, family or friends), for a mobile and his cyber world, it’s also to make us aware of how much addictive this mobiles with internet can became.
I realized that one year before, when I had just a normal phone, I was reading much more that I read in the last one year. Where is going my time, attention and energy? To the social network, off course.
And now suggest you ask your self this questions, as I asked to my self:
- Is this addiction more stronger than my own will?
- Is this addiction more stronger than sharing Real Presencial Moments with the Special Ones in my life?
- Do I still remember how life was so much more simple 20 years ago?
The internet, social web, mobiles with internet, are a useful invention, in fact, very useful. The thing is that we are transforming something that is useful , and it’s just an object, into a substitute of Real Presencial Moments and Real Love.
It’s not that the mobiles and social web are bad, WE are the ones who need to learn to make BOUNDARIES, in many different levels in our life’s, and one of them, is to know when our mobile activity has to stop, stay still and in silence and when the Real Relationships in our life should start.
Being Aware and Mindful is the Key.