Indigo Blog

Couple Relationship - The Extension of the Relationship with our Parents


THE HEALING PROCESS

Before you make any effective change in your life, you have to seriously think in healing yourself. When we go through difficult life experiences, our chakras (if you want to know what are the Chakras, dowload my Free E-Book here), will get into unbalance. One the chakras are unbalanced it will affect negatively and directly all areas of your life. If you want to move and make effective changes in your life, the first step is Healing The Chakras. After this you can start to receive Counseling, Astrology, Coaching, regression therapy, etc, but healing the Chakras is really the first step.

Once they are in balance, harmonized and empowered, you will clearly feel it in different areas of your life and in yourself.

ENERGETIC SPACE CLEANING

Do Feng Shui (a Chinese tradition to bring harmony into spaces and our life) cleaning and transformation in your home. Start with a big cleaning of all what you don’t need in all corners and closets. Here is an excellent book of Feng Shui “The Feng Shui Bible” from Simon Brown. Your house, is in fact, about you.

Do a energetic cleaning in your house and garden, and/or your working place. You can use salt, smudging sage, reiki symbols (if you are initiated into Reiki), some other ancient symbols and some special affirmations for this purpose.

SEARCHING FOR LOGIC EXPLANATIONS

Something that is very useful is to deeply know yourself, your partner and how is your relationship at the eyes of Astrology of different types & Numerology. Having this knowledge will bring you important lights to understand the mechanisms of your relationships.

SPEAKING WITH GOD

Turn to God, and ask what you need, ask for help. He will answer you, eventually, sooner that you think.

UNDERSTANDING & UNCOVERING THE VEILS OF ILLUSION

If you are making rounds and rounds without understanding your struggles without being able to release, I suggest that you read the book “Radical Forgiveness“. This book explains perfectly how we reflect on our couple relationships the unexpressed needs, lacks, and frustrations relating with the relationship with our parents.

I read the first chapter where the psychotherapist write about his meeting with his sister whom was going nearly get divorced from her husband. As he listened her and did some key questions to his sister and guided her to the main reason and the root of her couple challenge. It was related with the fact of her husband was emotionally distant, absent, hiding things from her and not really caring for her or her emotional needs and that this reminds her about the behavior of her own father.

Here you go. The answer.

Couple relationships are the extension of our relationship with our parents, and are often there to bring to the surface and remind us that are deep seated unresolved childhood wounds and emotional blockages relatively with experiences we had with our parents that were are not healed or released or not even understood at all.

At an unconscious level, we often choose our partners and feel attracted by the ones who have the very similar behaviors (both negative and positive) as our mother and father.

In the beginning we are not aware at all, and it is a choice not conscientious. With the time each moment that we feel deeply sad, angry or resented with something our partner did, we have to honestly ask: “Why that what he (or she) did is having such a big impact inside of me?”

The reason is because is re-opening old wounds. It’s remind us the same behavior our father (or mother for the men’s) had, that hurts us so much and made us sad.

Often, this issues with the parents were not properly expressed or resolved, and so the emotional wound remains, they remain unhealed.

As we feel hurt by our partner in some way, we express double resentment, anger, sadness or other negative behaviors towards him. Our partners are in fact paying a double price: For what they did, and for the same mistakes our parents did and that we did not expressed our feelings with them.

Over the time we start to see our father in our husband (or our mother in our wife), and the passion and love starts slowly to vanish. It’s like we are living with our father or our mother.

When the couple is not aware of the real root of the couple issues, and does not communicate with a real willingness to resolve them, the tendency is one of these 3 things:

1: The couple separates or divorce;

2: The couple have frequent fights(excess of fire);

3: The couple become like 2 strangers living under the same roof, the empty marriages (ice/cold energy).

So, it is of most importance for each one of us in a couple relationship that we deeply analyze what issues are happening and in what they are reminding of our not healed wounds with our parents.

On the other hand, is also important to mention that we (women) have the tendency to repeat inside the relationship the behaviours of our mother and the men’s repeat the behaviours of the father. So, it’s needed an awareness and honesty with ourselfs in the way if we are perpetuating negative patterns of our mother (or father, for the men’s), and make a conscious effort in order to stop or minimize them.

Once they are identified COMMUNICATION and UNDERSTANDING between the couple is needed and fundamental. Its also of most importance a sincere willingness from side to side of both partners to find a solution, improve and transform the relationship into a wonderful one and pass the good and healthy example of what is a Couple Meant To Be to our children.

For the lucky ones who had a good and healthy childhood environment, they will most probably attract a good healthy long lasting relationship.

YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD

Image Credits: Natalia Anja Photography

Now look to your own childhood, how it was? Were your parents present? Did you received love and appreciation fro them? Or were they castrating towards you? Did they made you DO things? And did you did in order to gain that 1 drop of appreciation from them, that a child should receive from her parents just for existing?

All this have influence in your adult life and in the way how you relate to others, and, specially towards your partners and your superiors, as they are the authority figures.

After you take some time to review all this, don’t blame your parents as they were also one day child’s, and most probably with a childhood way much worse that yours, that made them develop the personalities that they have. Try to know how it was their childhood, and then you will understand. 

PASSING A GOOD EXAMPLE TO OUR CHILDREN’S

Is OF MOST IMPORTANCE that we break the chain in this generation of unhealthy, unloving, sick couple relationships that are coming from all these past generations who had (most of them) no access to a better awareness.

Our parents learned with their parents what is supposed to be a couple. The problem is, that is most families from the past generations the image that they build up of What Means to Be a Couple was completely wrong. Past generations couples were full of domestic violence, physical and emotional distance, and so on. They never learned better than that with their own parents, and they did not knew how to do better than what they did with us. They did not had the example themselves, they have no idea what is a hug or a “I love You”.

And so they pass this example of an unbalanced and unhealthy couple relationship to many of us.

BREAKING THE GENERATION CHAIN 

WE ARE the INDIGO & CRYSTAL generation that HAS TO BREAK THIS CHAIN, and not pass on to our children. We have all the tools, knowledge and all kinds of therapists and teachers at our reach that enables us to be better, to heal our wounds, to deeply look within and work out what it needs to be done inside of us.

We have the obligation as parents to do our best to make our relationships work (as far as possible), and teach our children by our examples of a healthy couple of What Is Love all about. To create a harmonious safe space for them to grow, with a lot of Physical Contact, Words of Appreciation, Quality Time, Acts of Serving and Gifts. These are the 5 Languages of Love that we all need to receive (specially the children), in order to be happy.

FINDING THE SOLUTIONS

One of the answers is clearly bringing specific situations to Regression Therapies.

What most Couple Therapists recommend is the frequent communication between the couple.

Yes, this is of most importance. To seat with our partner and open our heart, starting from explain our childhood and what things he (or she) is doing that hurts us so much and why, as well as identifying what things are we doing that can disturb him (or her). AWARENESS IS EVERYTHING and when we are aware of what we do that hurts or annoys so much our partner, it’s so much more easier to do less. If we really love and care for him (or her) its very possible that gradually that we (or our partner) have less and less negative behaviors and that the relationship transforms into a beautiful one.

The 1st question we have to do for ourselves is: If our partner is The One for our life and if the answer is yes, then, find a good moment (not during the Full Moon neither the Black Moon), and have a sincere open heart talk with the both willingness to resolve the couple issues.

It also can happened that we have someone that is not at all in nothing similar to our father (or mother) and that is a beautiful relationship. It can happen that after some time we unconsciously feel that is not our “familiar” environment, and that we are not used to such a harmonious relationship and without any obvious reason we abandon that relationship. These are all unconscious choices based in our childhood experiences.

If you find this post useful, please share it.

Sonia Indigo.

Image Credits: Artist Eva Ruiz and photographer Paulo Yang.

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