THE STARTING OF THE COUPLE CRISIS
This couple crisis started in July when due to some of my partner’s decisions and attitudes, one Full Moon day and while with my period, I become a tornado, a tsunami, an earthquake and a storm…all at once. I shaken the stagnated dust in Shiva Garden. That was the big shake and actually an accumulating of many other situations during these last 6 years together. This was the time just before the 2 eclipses, the lunar and the solar, which had a great astrologically impact, that had “shacked” many people’s lives.
THE WOMAN’S INNER WISDOM WHILE IN MENSTRUATION
It’s also not to ignore woman’s inner wisdom (and not madness) during our menstruation days, specially when they fall on near the New Moon or the Full Moon. Here is where we are in profound touch with our most deep feelings and emotions and exactly what is wrong in our lives. As a woman, what comes to you during the menstruation time is not to ignore or to take as madness, is to take in consideration, that’s the deepest waters of your womb speaking with you.
MOVE NOT IN ANGER, BUT IN LOVE
After this, in August I was searching for a house to live, but I was searching in anger, not in love or peace and not at all “connected”. Result, nothing worked and I didn’t found nothing that I really liked for me and my daughters.
We end up staying together and see how it goes. But something inside of me had changed in the way how I was seeing him. He had fallen from the pedestal where I putted him and never should do. I was seeing him with such admiration, almost like a hero, but we never ever should put no one higher than us, or lower. The correct way is to treat people equal to equal. Today, after researching about co-dependency, I know this, and I understood, this, and many other things.
TAKING THE TIME TO FEEL YOURSELF
I decided to slow down the work rhythm, as I have a workaholic tendency, which is an addiction such as any other, which keeps us away from feeling ourselves. I decided to stop all additions, stop numbing me, even if occasionally, and Feel Me deeply and fully. As part of this changing process and stop addictions and distractions, since October 2016 I deleted from my mobile the following apps: Facebook, Messenger and Email. I decided that in my life, there is a time to work and a time to do other things and give mindful attention to my daughters. When I seat with the laptop, I work, and when I switch off the laptop, my mind is free from whatever is happening out there on the social media, email and messenger.I can not say enough how much difference this has made in my life. I gained an big extra free space in my brain that was occupied with all kinds of images and messages we see daily on FB and other social media networks that make most people addicted to them.
I allowed myself to look within and look to the pain and emptiness, face it, take decisions and actions about it. Over the last 6 years I was carrying a chronic sadness, and lately, a chronic cough. In Chinese Medicine, the lungs are sadness and grieve. Interesting to observe that since I moved with my daughters to another house my cough has stopped. I moved on the last 9th of January 2018 (exactly 6 years after I traveled to India to live with him).
I also took the time to write down the vision I have about my life in all the different aspects. I wrote my goals on the Professional area, relationships, money, etc.
In November, just a couple of days before my period and during the Black Moon, one morning I end up the relationship again, and crying, saying I could not go more than this. We cried together and we had a long talk and we end up giving one more try. But nothing changed.
KEEPING YOUR VIBRATION HIGH DURING TOUGH MOMENTS
Since November I was doing at a daily basis my morning practice, not on and off, but religiously daily. Affirmations, key questions, meditation, and yoga, walking or reiki, in alternated days. When he was not going to badminton early morning I would come to do yoga on the beach at 6ham or for a long walk on the cliffs.
In December, one early morning, before 6ham I was walking to the beach and passing near the restaurant Café Del Mar I heard this voice inside of me:
“This is it Sonia, This relationship has served its purpose, it’s has come to an end. It’s time to move forward. Your time in Varkala is finished you have to move on.”
These words echoed inside of me so clear and loudly that it was impossible for me to ignore them. I knew they were coming not from the voice of my mind or my ego, but from an “outside source”.
HEALING THE COUPLE
On the next week I was doing 4 reiki sessions to a client (and friend) and I proposed him to receive 4 reiki sessions as well. He accepted and this was the right time to do it. I felt that if I was decided to finish this relationship, it would be better that both of us were with the chakras well “aligned”. During the sessions while he was sleeping, looking to him it was even clearer for me. Thoughts run over my head like: “I don’t love this men anymore.” It’s finish, In my heart, the deposit of love for him is finished. I cannot keep in a relationship where there is no love anymore. The deposit of love has reached to the bottom, after all the hurt.
Obviously, this was not visible to other people, was just lived by me in silence inside the relationship. Not all was bad, of course, we had these 2 lovely angels, we had good moments and in Shiva Garden and within this relationship I could build up my project, the SoniaIndigo.com.
When a relationship does not work is of both partners responsibility and I take mine. As a co-dependent, I obviously had my faults, for example stick with him for the first 2 years when I found myself alone with no friends and no family near by, and to loose my control sometimes when he pushed my buttons, become workaholic to don’t feel myself and the emptiness within this relationship…from the beginning, etc.
There are no bad ones or good ones, no villains or victims. Each one of us has to take responsibility of our life’s and assume what Is.
He is not a bad person, he is just going through his own stuff and childhood blockages and wrong learning as we all are, which interfere with the couple relationships. He has been a good father and he did his best in this relationship, even though that is best was faraway from being enough for me in what I believe is a balanced, nurturing and happy couple relationship.
I also received myself 4 Body Code sessions from my Reiki Master and will receive soon 4 reiki sessions. In times like this, receiving this kind of energetic healing is of most importance. I would say, Vital!
FINISHING THE RELATIONSHIP
One day or two before the Christmas I asked him to talk, as usually, he was not available, and I just “informed” him that our relationship was finished. When we had time we could talk. This was the first time in 6 years that on the Christmas Party I was not dancing, but just relaxing and enjoying the Christmas. Party, and was the same on the New Year, which actually I really enjoyed and danced until I could not dance more. For the first time I enjoyed the Christmas evening with my daughters instead of being getting ready for the dance performances (giving a good name and reputation to Shiva Garden and making everyone happy…except me or my daughters). In fact, in all the Christmas Eve Party, I end up never having dinner with my daughters, in fact never having dinner at all.
The days went by and every single day I was doing my practice. I did a commitment with myself that during all this process of separation and divorce I would keep my vibration and my energy so high that no one (including him) would be able to shake me on a negative way. I prayed every single day for God to illuminate his mind, heart and soul to grant me all my rights that allow me to rent a house and live a decent life with my daughters. I also reach out for my best friends and soul sisters and I know some of them prayed for the best during this separation process.
I had no much money, as this relationship left my pockets empty, and nowhere to go. I could only pray and do my morning practice. I just look up and ask God and the Goddesses to give me a Hand, now I really needed Them with me. Something inside of me was truly trusting that I was not walking alone, and I felt comforted.
Meanwhile since I decided internally to finish this relationship, I researched on the YouTube all what I could about: How to separate and divorce from people with possible narcissist personality disorder, how to build up boundaries, how to be assertive and about self-love. And I can tell you, I learned all what I had to learn during my whole life. Boundaries, assertiveness and self-love is exactly what co-dependents where teach not to have during childhood.
As I was get informed for 3 weeks in all this subjects, I was changing inside naturally, my behaviors changed, without effort. All just happened naturally and in a peaceful way.
During all this process and all the times we talked since December, I was calm and peaceful, grounded and assertive. We had two or three very important talks about the practical side of this separation and all went in peace. We never fight, raise our voice or talk in anger. We did important decisions for secure me and my daughters to move to another house safely and with financial support. He was flowing with all this process, which has been just what I prayed to.
This is the result of a regular spiritual practice and awareness about my issues and what I needed to learn in order to better manage all this transition.
I saw many testimonies of co-dependents who broke up in a “non- spiritual connected way”, and things were incredibly difficult for them, full of fights and struggling. Knowing this, I armed myself of the highest vibration I could, the best knowledge and wisdom, I surrounded myself with the support of people who truly love me unconditionally, and I moved through in a soft way.
THE FORGIVING PROCESS
Every single day during my practice I said this affirmations towards him:
“(name), Please forgive-me, I love you, thank you.”
“(name), I forgive you and I release you to the Holly Spirit.”
WHAT LEARNING’S I CAN SHARE WITH YOU
With my experience what I can share with you is this:
Love, a peaceful state of mind, a good grounding and a strong spiritual connection is the key to go through tough phases of life.
If we do things under a state of anger towards things and people, nothing will work out well, and things will just not flow.
We are way much more than our bodies, our bodies are just marionettes for our Soul, which is connected to God and the Universe. If we live our life’s just guided by our little minds and big egos, with no spiritual connection, its most probable that will not be an easy road.
The day that we completely surrender our will to God and we start our spiritual or morning regular practice, that is the key to find the best solutions for the everyday problems here on Earth.
Receiving different kinds of healing, including reiki, regression therapy, astrology, psychotherapy and others are of most importance during the “hard times”. If the person does not have the 7 chakras connected, aligned and empowered, can be very hard to start any practice at all, because the energy required is not there. Here, receiving 4 reiki sessions in 4 days in a row is of most importance.
Also most precious during times like this is to have good friends around and to surround yourself with good people that truly appreciate you. I had a few far away with who I could talk on Whats App, and a good old friend that came from Argentina to see me, for the third consecutive year, Manuela. She arrived on the New’s Year evening and having her here uplifting me, listening and supporting me was just one of the best things I could have around in these moments.
Its also important to acknowledge that we have an unconscious tendency to attract as a partner, and specially to choose the father/mother for our kids, the similar as we saw during our childhood in our parents. My partner was able to perfectly incorporate both of my mother and father. As my mother did constantly he often criticized and belittled me, putting me down, making me feel as I had no value and nothing I did was right and that I was not able, not enough. As my father he was absent, emotionally, physically and mentally not present, not available for me, in most of the days. However, as my parents did, he provided me the basic needs, food and accommodation. I found often myself alone, raising my 2 daughters in a faraway country with no family, no friends, no one supporting near by. Well, this is the moment to say, what does not kill us, make us stronger, and I can not tell enough how much being into this relationship and living in India has made me so much more stronger than I ever thought I could be.
I believe that while in a soul and before we born we write the script of our future life. So, for me, it’s All Right. All in the right time and right place. All as it was meant to be. There are no mistakes, just choices we do in life. And in the end, it always takes us to a place of learning, and eventually, share with others what we have learned.
My life is no different than many other woman’s that live their pain in silence. My life, is no different than other “normal” people out there. The only difference is that I am sharing out loud my experiences and my insights about them in order to eventually, bring some light to other people that are living similar situations.
It is possible to heal.
It is possible to change absolutely everything in our life’s and in ourselves…if we just have the COURAGE. As the quote says:
“Life shrinks and expands in proportion to ONE’S COURAGE.” Anais Nin
Believe me, during this period of taking the step to break up and separate, while living in India and with two little daughters (3 and 5 years), I felt often literally like falling from a very high precipice and not seeing the floor. I felt like I was crossing a bridge from one island to the other one, but still without knowing what was on the other island for me. Still, I believed in my hearts messages, as I always did, and I move forward. I had to. There was no other way.
Lately, in the last few years, I felt inside this relationship as I was dying inside, like a dry tree without leaves or flowers.
As I took a step forward, locked fears start to unlock and to be released. I started to drive a car in Varkala (believe me driving in India is crrrazyyy!!!) and I started to cross the waves and swim in the high sea all along the main beach coast. While swimming I just felt one with the sea.
And you know what? Facing the fears is like crossing the waves, diving and breaking through them and on the other side, a beautiful calm sea is waiting for you. Believe me, there is nothing worst that staying stuck in our fears.
If I can give you any advice, I would say: FOLLOW YOUR HEART’S DESIRE. Believe me, It will always lead you to your Soul Path.
So in my 40’s I still choose Life, I choose to be like an ancient big Tree, full of leaves, flowers and fruits, that can feed and give shadow from the hot sun to many who choose to seat near by me. I choose to nurture and respect myself. I choose to let to myself really well defined boundaries, to be assertive to understand well where I finish and where the other one starts. I choose to learn by myself now what I was supposed to be teached while in my childhood, but I was not. It was not meant to be. I was meant to learn it on my own, by breaking the walls with my head. And so I had to leave this experience, and it’s All Good.
LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP WITH GRATITUDE
And believe me, I leave this relationship with gratitude. For this 2 little Angels I have with me, for him to be a good father, way much better than I ever had myself, for learning so much with him and in Shiva Garden, for having the safe space to build up all whats is behind the www.soniaindigo.com, for all the places we have traveled, for being hand on hand with me while the home birth of our youngest daughter, and for so much more.
A SPECIAL THANKS TO
To all the ones that walk with me, support and pray for me, I would like to give a Thank You for being “there”.
And a very special Thank You to:
Mariana, my soul sister living in Canada who had been unconditionally hand on hand during the last 9 years of my life and specially the last 3, Jane from Australia a Wise Woman and sister whom has giving the most powerful advice’s, words and love during all this process, Manela living Argentina who has been hand on hand with me, strongly pulling me up all the times I came down, Shaloo, my Reiki Master and healer, a traveler with base in Holland whom has given me precious tools, healing and key questions to overcome this phase nicely and smoothly , Elisabeth, an 81 years lady from Switzerland for her love, support and dedicated prayers , Vitor my older brother from Portugal, who has been unconditionally present during all my life, and during this stage, James from U.K., living the last 2 years in India, a very dedicated student who became a soul brother that has the capacity of bringing me the most magic gifts to support me in my path, Andrej from Check Republic for the super important presence in Shiva Garden and specially with my daughters, for all the love to them, making them so happy and for babysitting them all the times I have to Do things. They are the eight pillars who supported me strongly during these ruff times, and all the ones coming on my Facebook page to support me with their love and supportive words. Faraway in distance, near the heart.
Stay attentive to the next article: “The Moving, How It All Happened”.
See you soon, and thank You for being “there”.
18th January 2018, Varkala, South India
Photography by: Neta Kahila